Now I am raising my own children, I have found all my childhood trauma is coming back up. I didn’t have anyone parenting me so I am learning how to parent my children. My daughter is 7 years old, every time I went into her school, I felt like a 7-year-old child as well. I felt scared, like I shouldn’t be here, someone needs to tell me what to do because I don’t know how to do this. I just felt there was something missing.
I went to see a therapist and he has been doing regression therapy, where he brings me back to my childhood and I talk to my inner child in order to heal. During the first session, I was not really consciously awake and was crying whilst talking to the 7-year-old me. I told her that it was OK now and I would love my children because I was not loved as a child.
The child kept saying nobody listens to me, nobody cares about me and nobody saw me; I promised her that I see her and I will see my daughters.
I cried for 3 days after the therapy and then I felt like a heavy weight has been taken from me. I had been walking around with this traumatic child veil for my life and I had no idea. The social anxiety in school has completely gone.
My strong girlfriends have helped me through each phase of my life. I thought if I could just pretend to be as strong and functional as them for 5 minutes, I can make it through the day. I didn’t have a mum to look up to, so I emulated my girlfriends and copied how functional they were, when inside I didn’t feel very functional, this took me through each day and as a parent you take each day step by step.