I was scared to give up the corporate life, it was all I knew and I thought I needed the 9-5, the regular wage, climbing the career ladder. When I moved into a global role, I was managing big projects and was able to be creative; it lit me up. I pushed an amazing global project out and then suddenly there was nothing to do. I was sitting around with an awful sense guilt – I was being paid but not doing anything, not for want of trying, but it was weird. This drifted on for a few months, then a new boss came in, a total asshole. He shook up the whole department and in our first meeting he told me pretty much that my role was a mistake.
When I got together with my husband, I got the sense that he was the one I really wanted to have children with – it had never crossed my mind before him. Before that point, I couldn’t imagine what it was like to be a parent; I just wasn’t prepared. Even though I thought I was. Looking back, I realise how selfish I had gotten and just couldn’t compute the life change. So I did what I always did to cope; I rushed headlong back to work when both my girls arrived. I took 8 months maternity leave with my first child and then just 7 months with my second – I didn’t even take the full year which we are entitled to do in the UK.
I didn’t realise it at the time, but I had horrendous post-natal depression and I buried my head in the sand. I was dropping my kids off at 8 and picking them up at 6 – I didn’t really know them. Now, I look back and feel really sad that I behaved in that way. I justified it that in a crude callous way; that I was at the point of my biggest earning potential. Never mind addressing the huge life change I had undertaken. I saw others behaving the same way and thought it was acceptable behaviour. It then kind of hit me when I got through the second maternity leave.
My daughter woke me up – she almost shook me awake. I was on anti-depressants and had been through her pregnancy, at that point the doctors suggested I up my dose and I felt like I was just sticking a plaster over the problem; I knew then I didn’t want to be on anti-depressants all my life. I wasn’t feeling anything, I didn’t find any joy in anything. I wasn’t interested in sex. I was just walking around, going through the motions, there was no joy in anything. I basically came off the anti-depressants myself and a friend of mine told me I needed to get my chakras balanced.
The healer confirmed what I already knew; I was deeply unhappy and had lost my way. She balanced my chakras and she cleared my energy. I went to her a few more times and during the sessions she told me the angels wanted me to learn Reiki, so I could balance my own energy. It felt as if she had reached in and switched a light on; it made me realise that there was another way to view money. I had been spending money on “stuff” and didn’t really have anything to show for all the money I was earning. I was spending it as quickly as I was earning it and I needed this massive wake up to sort myself out.
When my boss offered me redundancy of my role but then offered me another job in the company, it was such a crossroads. I had an epiphany moment; I had been given the opportunity of stability and continue to earn the money I was earning but to work for a corporation that was sucking me dry and not enabling me to be there for the girls. So after big chats with my husband, I took the money and ran; it was the biggest relief I have ever felt. During the whole time where I was waiting for the transition to happen, I was luckily gifted time to explore lots of ideas, learn lots of lessons, go on retreats, read books and studied Reiki. When I left my job, we enjoyed Christmas and then I set up my website and launched my own PR agency and reiki practice.
What is the best thing about all this is, I’ve been able to integrate my spirituality into my PR expertise so I’m now working with healers, authors and heart-centred entrepreneurs. I now have space to breathe, be creative and help others through the skills I’ve learned. It was all a big blessing in disguise!